Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Real Life Update

I love reading Andrea's real life updates over at Roundy Wells. I wish all my friends and family had blogs! So, today I am going to treat you to a real life update.

Men: Nada. (Wow, this is quick!) I theoretically want to get married and if I happened to meet someone that I clicked with, I'd be all for it, but I'm putting no energy into looking. The only reason it has a little half-hearted place on my to do list is my biological clock. Mental calculations of biological clock: "Let's see, I'm 31 [now you know :)] If I meet someone now and marry them in a year, the earliest I will have my first child is 33. If I want 4 kids, spaced two years apart... ARGHGGGH!!!" That's how those internal conversations usually go, followed by a panicked: "I must meet somebody now!" or a tremulously reasuring, "Well, people are getting younger all the time, if you just stay in really great shape, it will be almost like you are in your 20's when you are having kids!" Yeah right!

Job: Just quit! Yay me! In my job-life, I really feel like the airplane motivational speakers always talk about, on the wrong path most of the time but continually making adjustments so that it does eventually get where it intended to go. I know what I want to do: create blah, blah, blah, blah. (That information is part of my secret identity- or actually, my known identity, but this site is part of my secret identity, so my known identity is... this gets so confusing.) But how do I get there? I started drafting a letter to send to a well-known writer and Ph.D to share with him the research paper I wrote that involves his work. Ach! It scared me to even draft it. Do you double-dog-dare me to send it today? It is great thinking, in my humble opinion, but really stilted writing. I haven't figured how to make research paper writing flow. I HATE that method of writing. eek.

I'm considering going to school some more to get a Ph.d and doing research there, applying for a grant to get my research funded, or... working at a regular job while I work on my own research on the side? This is all up in the air.

For the near future, I have a student loan coming in, so I won't starve. However, I do want a job during this last semester and I will definitely need a job when the semester ends. As the very talented Andrea has shown, getting a job in a particular field can be challenging. I won't have any welcoming arms letting me stay somewhere, I've already used that option up post bachelors degree. Unless something changes in some other area of my life. (See "Men:" above.)

Jobs I am considering: low paying student job on campus- hey, it's money, actual full time job in my field if I can get it, or get an internship in my field. In addition, I AM starting my hypnosis practice back up. The website is in the works.

Other dreams: I want to sing and play the guitar and write songs. My grandma has agreed to pay for me to get singing lessons! Yay, Grandma!! I am soo excited to have a more consistantly performance worthy voice. Also, I am going to learn to play the guitar better and learn more music theory. As you know, I don't want to become famous in that I don't want my face to be broadly recognizable, but I DO want to be rich and talented. I would love to make money selling my songs and be a slightly known singer in my community- at church and in a local band. That would be sooo fun.

Housing: I want my own house. But I went driving around yesterday and I realized, even if something magical happens, I don't know exactly where I want to live yet. However, being in a temporary place that is someone else's house just sucks. No, I am not pleased with my roommates. Today I realized that I just have to clean in front of my other two roommates so they can WITNESS ME CLEANING, then they see that I am contributing my fair share of cleaning. My other roommate, the owner of the house, who I will call Fantasia, just got home today. Disclaimer: all of these roommates are nice. They are not horrible, but still, I am not pleased. So, Fantasia and Tina are chatting about the trip she just got back from and I say, "Hi! How was Florida?" And she says, in a measured voice usually reserved for pre-schoolers, and irritating even then,"Braidwood, I had a nice trip, but I don't want to talk about it now. If you'd like, I will tell you about Florida later." What the hell! I wanted to turn all Hustle and Flow * on her and tell her, "Yo, bitch, I couldn't care less about your trip to Florida! I was just asking to be nice!" Then I fantasized about coming up with something socially acceptable yet funny and mean to say back to her. I could think of nothing. When I am displeased I turn very sincere and tend to say things like, "I really don't like being spoken to like that." I did think it would be funny to make up a song about Fantasia to the tune of "I'm living in my own private Idaho" and call it "I'm living in my own private Ashram!" (Fantasia teaches yoga and gives astrology readings and doesn't think farting is funny.)

*I saw Hustle and Flow with my Grandma when I was in Hawaii, her choice, and the only reason I went. I usually stick to my Mormon heritage and skip rated R movies. Especially if there is the chance that there will be something in the movie that I just wish I had never seen. However, while Hustle and Flow had the trappings of banality, it was not banal. It was an awesome movie and I could totally relate.


Andrea said...


I'm so happy you posted! I'm sorry about the roommate situation. That's the pits when you don't like being home. I also have fantasies about mean things I could say when I feel belittled or otherwise hurt...although I've found it's not good for me to indulge that tendency much :)

That's awesome about your paper. I'm going to hazard a guess and say it was for the class we just had together in the spring? I can barely remember my own paper topic... but I say you go for it. Nothing to lose! At worst, he'll think you're a bright, ambitious student whose research isn't quite what he's interested in right now. Is that so bad? No!! I'd double dog dare you, but on principle I boycott daring, pinky swearing, EVER passing on the curses/promises on chain emails, or anything like the above :)


Braidwood said...

Hi Andrea!

Thanks for your support. I too boycott all curses/promises on chain emails! :) It was my spring paper. I love reading your updates. It's great to hear how you are doing. Ok, I've got to go watch Rock Star, my latest TV addiction. I'm going to eat ICECREAM while I watch it! Total decadance!

:)Thanks, again!

Laura Moncur said...

Missed you. It's nice to have you back! Don't fret about all of this stuff. You can't force it to happen. Just go with the flow and you'll be pleasantly surprised when the good things happen.

Braidwood said...

Last night, besides watching Rock Star I got to watch Gilmore Girls! How I love Gilmore Girls!

I think your are right, I can just relax and go with the flow. Doing the next thing there is to do and thus moving forward on my path.

Natalie said...

Braidwood, here's to all your wishes and dreams becoming reality. I'm sure they will. And don't worry about age, time, etc. It's meaningless.
Enjoyed your 'confession'.