Friday, December 31, 2004

Blog of the Day: Something Awful

Maybe you’ll understand why this is the blog of the day after I tell about one of my favorite birthday cards. (This is better if you’re more than in just a bad mood and to the point of thinking everything in your life really sucks, but are feeling too apathetic to even think about killing yourself.) Ok, front of card: “I heard you’re feeling a little down about your birthday…”
Inside of card: “It’s not because life is a ceaseless, nightmarish hell from which none ever escape is it?”

Makes me laugh every time. If you think that's funny, you’ll probably like Something Awful too. I reccomend the anti-drug messages.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Blog of the Day - a new non-daily feature

The blog of the day is the New MexiKen. I wondered there via a google search. Although he did not have what I was looking for, his blog was interesting enough for me to read for about a half hour. It’s mostly quotes from other sources, through which you can see his interests and point of view.

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Cleanse, Day 4 - Inauspicious

I’ve stuck to the letter, but not the spirit of my cleanse today. Eating food like rice chips with no trans fat and chocolate soy milk with no sugar. Basically a more expensive health food store version of a junky diet. That’s all I want to say about it. I’ll be more enthusiastic tomorrow and I’ll tell you how my new weight-lifting exercise video is.

Today for exercise I ran up and down an animal park. It counts! I was rained on!

Some thoughts about gratitude

Ok, I’ve been doing research on my enjoy the moment vrs accomplish goals dilemma. I was reading Attitudes of Gratitude by MJ Ryan and was skimming the chapters titles and got to “Appreciate your kids just as they are.” Yeah, I know that concept. I love those parents who just enjoy their kids. Those kids are so free to be themselves and just glow with that security of being loved for themselves. Of being, “this very child.”

Some things are hard to explain until you get the feel of them, and that is one pattern that I have the feel of. So, I was thinking, oh yeah, appreciate your kids just as they are- that is right on, that is true. You can enjoy your kids just as they are with no worries, they will change and grow all on their own. Then I thought, you know I could apply this idea of just appreciating and enjoying to everything I can’t control- PEOPLE! So, that makes it simple. Then I thought of applying the idea to myself, it felt heretical. I looked up “appreciating myself” on the internet and had the interesting sensation of being naughty. I actually glanced over my shoulder as I sat at the computer.

I’ve decided to take a bold, adventurous risk and appreciate myself just as I am now. I've also been noticing and recounting to myself what I am grateful for during my day.

Benefits so far: I’ve been appreciating people for who they are and, ironically, seeing more realistically who they are in the present moment. I’ve found that to have gratitude, I have to notice, and that is very grounding.

Some appreciating myself and gratitude sites: Self appreciation as character training, self-esteem game , gratitude as mindfulness.

Do you like my new do?

Its very late and I'm up making template changes and adding new features to my blog. I added blogrolling and a book list. I would love to add archiving by topic, but haven't found instructions on how to do this yet. Do you know how?

The template changes take me a long time because I don't know this code by heart. I look through it, make a few changes and then test it out to see if it did what I thought it would do. I really like this new template I'm using, although there are still some changes I want to make. I'm using a basic blogger template and I took out the picture of the light house and white lines which framed the blog. I wanted a simple template, yet I really love the sweet and pretty decorative touch of the dividers between the posts.

The next thing I'd like to do is to move my sidebar up to be even with the main posts, now that the building is out of the way.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Cleanse, Day 3

Well, the day has just begun and I'm not running because its raining. I haven't called the colonic lady back yet and now I'm wondering if I should call my mom and say, "Don't do it!" I just read my friend Laura's thoughts about cleansing with links to dire warnings about colonics at Starling Fitness.

I'm sure there is a truth to be found in the mix of different reports from established and alternative medical ideas. I've found several alternative therapies that do work, although I often doubt the reason they work is the reported one.

Bowel movements- it's not a pretty topic, but it's at the crux of the cleanse issue. I have to side with the alternative practitioners on this one. The medical community says there is a range of normal and that it's ok to have a bowel movement every couple days. Eww! The alternative practioners say that a very healthy person should have a bowel movement after each meal. I agree that that is a sign of health. MD's seem like they are constantly trying to calm an anxious and hypochondriacal public, “Don’t worry, that doesn’t signal a disease!” Alternative medical people are like the Cassandras of our day. “Mucoid plauque will be your downfall. Cleanse yourself!”

Since reading Laura’s post and email to me, I’ve been thinking about why I like to do cleanses. I know that a balanced diet is healthy and that weird concoctions are not required. But I like weird concoctions! If I had lived in olden times I would probably have been a witch, stirring up bits of this and that and seeing what they do. It’s funny, because I love science and the scientific method, maybe weird concoctions seem like a more earthy and less controlled science experiment. I understand the alternative practitioners fascination with little bits of this and little bits of that. I don’t know what it means about our personalities! The truth is, part of the reason I want to do a colonic is, I want to see what comes out of the tube!

I used to take very long baths as a child and I would gather up different items from the kitchen and bathroom cupboard and pour them into the bathtub with the water to see what it would do to me. I was right in the middle of my own experiment and I thought it was great fun, like a little scientific witch.

Cleanse, Day 2

Last night I rebelled and ate fries, onion rings and drank hot chocolate. It was at Denny’s, which is the pit of trans fat. Today I ate only cleanse approved foods, but didn’t eat much because I haven’t gone grocery shopping since cleaning out my fridge.

 

Exercise: The Firm, tough tape 2, 8lb squats.

 

Good things: My new firm exercise tape came in the mail! Yay! Also my 20 questions about fitness video tape came and I folded my Christmas letters while I watched it. It was motivating, but didn’t pack the punch it did the first time I saw it.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

A Dubious Goal

Right now I’m in the mood to see a movie, and I’m about to go see one. So this idea for a goal is probably just based on my current mood. I think I would like to see Roger Ebert’s list of 100 great movies. (Here's his book.) Then, (always thinking about how I can incorporate something into my blog,) I can blog about it! We'll see. It may happen. I need to figure out how to archive my posts by topic.

Cleanse, Day 1

(This is the sort of topic that makes me wish that this blog was completely anonymous. To all those who know me, sorry if this grosses you out! Just skip these entries!)

My mom is good for many things. One thing that she will do with me, that is hard to find, is weird diets. We have eaten strange conncoctions, drunk homemade herbal teas and fasted for days together. So, when I got a yen to do a cleanse I called her. We just spoke and to give you an idea of what a rare commoditiy she is in a dieting partner, I will relay this short snippet of our conversation. Me: "Ok, so it will be a pretty simple cleanse, and the only other thing is, I was thinking that at the beginning and the end of our cleanse we could do a colonic." Her: "Oh, that sounds nice."

I've done very odd cleanses that involved precise timing and rare ingredients, but this is our simple homemade version. We are going to do a three week long cleanse, cutting out beef, pork, flour, dairy, sugar and trans fats. We can eat any vegis, fruits, poultry and seafood that we want. (Crap, I just realized that no dairy means no butter.) We are going to add two "P and B shakes" daily; that is one Tablespoon of liquid bentonite and one teaspoon of psyllium husks. We're going to do one colonic in the begining and one at the end. (I've never done one before, I'll let you know how it goes.) At the end of our cleanse we will only have two days of traditional cleanse weirdness when we do a liquid fast and drink a strange, tightly-timed concoction meant to promote liver cleansing.

Hoped for benefits: Mostly I just feel in need of a general spring cleaning. During the last part of Fall semester I was eating a lot of frozen dinners and canned food. Blech! I want my skin to clear up, I want to lose weight and I want some break in my routine to help me get into healthier eating and exercise habits. I'm blogging it to keep me motivated. Wish me luck!


People Finder- kind of creepy

Propelled by my Christmas/Holiday letter, I’ve been searching for addresses of my favorite people that I’ve lost touch with. I was thrilled to discover the name of an old friend from Michigan who might be living in California.

I’ve also discovered that these people finder services are kind of creepy. I found myself- the only person listed with my name, thank you very much. For only $30 I can find out any property I own, all the places I’ve lived, any marriages and divorces I’ve had and my credit report. The truly shudder inducing moment was when I saw that for a small additional fee, I can buy SATELITE SURVEYLANCE photos of people. What the hell!?!

Friday, December 24, 2004

Sunglasses and eyebrows

I’m looking for a new pair of sunglasses and wouldn’t you know it, I found a pair by Prada that is just the right shape for my face! Ha! It’s on sale and is $80. Luckily I found my $15 sunglasses again today so I don’t need to buy new ones. I’ve been looking for advice about sunglasses for my face shape any way. There’s lots of info about it on the internet, this is a fun site that lets you try a couple pairs of sunglasses on the “model.”

While I’m at it: here is the website of my favorite eyebrow people. They have pictures of celebrity eyebrows! Check out their book here.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Yep, they thought of that

I do facial exercises using flex effect, which uses resistance bands to work out facial muscles. It works really well and I thought what I need is eyelid weights so that I can exercise my eyelids so they will open wider.

Of course, I had brief fantasies of inventing them and becoming rich and appearing on Oprah. “Well, I just thought of putting weights on my eye-lids, I put it on the internet and here I am! Can you believe when I started out I was just cutting up these little eyelid weights in my little one room apt?” ( I don’t really live in a one room apt, but that makes it more dramatic.) So, just now I looked up eye-lid weights and what do you know, someone already invented them! They use them in the treatment of bell palsy. Oddly, they are available by prescription only. What on earth do they think people are going to do with eyelid weights?
So, I might have to rig up some after all or order them from Canada! I wonder if they will work out my eyelid muscles like I think they will.


Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Practices

Remember when I was caught in a perpetual dissatisfaction loop? This is what I wrote later that day:

I’m taking the day off I decided. And I’ve come up with some of my own answers to my previous questions. (I still welcome yours!) I’ve been surfing the internet and I just remembered how valuable daily practices are for me. OH yeah! How is it that I know this stuff for years and then forget it?

So, daily practices…what works for me is meditation, reading something uplifting (I have been reading a great book of poems called The Rag and Bone Shop,) stretching (it’s amazing how relaxing my body deeply leads to a habit of general relaxation throughout my day,) and journaling. Also, having one rest day a week is a religious tradition that really works for me and adds balance into my life.

This semester it hasn’t been possible for Sunday to be my holy day, (that’s why I’m taking days off when I can find them – or just when I can’t take it anymore – like today.) Next semester I’m going to plan so that my Sundays can be days of rest again. A little rest and time to just be each day, a day of rest each week, and a vacation or two or three each year. Now, that’s balance. J

Ok…. Sigh… it’s all coming back to me now. No wonder I’ve been dissatisfied. I haven’t been resting, which means I’ve been waiting for things to be over so I can rest. Alright, I remember how this all goes now…

Today I did a breathing exercise and a guided loving kindness meditation.

An uplifting radio show

Prairie Home Companion

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Carry me Home


I was listening to music without boundaries tonight and thought I'd do a little art to the music. This is "Carry Me Home" by Hem on Eveningland.

I need love


"I Need Love" by Terri Hendrix on The Art Of Removing Wallpaper.

Two songs


This is "Train Song" by Mindy Smith on One Moment More, but then the next song came on and covered it up: "What The Hell Happened" by Bruce Hornsby on Halcyon Days.

Rose into the night


"Mother Rose" by Patti Smith on Trampin'

What I wrote to Craigslist

Yes, sometimes I write to craigslist. This time I wrote just to say I was down and some people wrote back. Here it is:

Title: (women seeking men) I am bummed (this is actually just a rant - sorry)

I'm not sure why this is such a down time for me, but I've noticed that whenever I focus on finding romance I get down, because it's just not one of those goals I can work towards and then predictably achieve. Sheesh. This is a tough one. I need to put myself in social situations so that I can meet my honey, but I can't make it one of my goals that I focus on or it's just depressing! hmmm.

Alright, I'm giving up on dating for awhile. I feel so much better when I do. Here is a site I just inadvertently surfed to which prompted this post: http://www.divorceinfo.com/divorcestinks.htm. I've never been divorced, and REALLY hope never to get divorced- breaking up hurts about as much as I want to hurt. Oy. So, the site reminded me that it's good to be picky.

Like I said, this is just a rant, so don't write. (If you send truly encouraging words, I will silently thank you.) I don't think I'll be writing or looking on
craigslist for awhile. Good look to all ya'll.

People wrote back, here a couple excerpts:

“Holy Shit!!!!!!

I am so hearing what you are saying here...I have never tried to find the love of my heart on the net and then when I start looking it seems to always go nowhere.....
getting out to meet the one, yes, this is it..I have adjusted my Feng Shui to help, so we will just have to wait and see. but like you said when you say to yourself, I am not looking to meet you now I so do not have time and or the desire to feel the lonely and empty parts of me. so I stay busy telling myself that it will all happen in time, when the time is right. …”

“good luck to u :) yeah u might have what i have seasonal disorder :) keep-kickin-it-baby :) 420/24/7/365 PEACE”

Thanks nice craigslist people! Just as a side note: Have you noticed how much more confessional my posts have gotten! This must be a side-effect of writing blogs. I now have the audience I secretly imagined as I wrote in my actual paper journal. Let me know if I’m going overboard and just being too outrageously or, worse, annoyingly revealing. I will post art again! I’m just at the tail end of the semester and haven’t created any art lately. I am dreaming of a fresh drawing pad for Christmas and then I will draw in long meetings and on nice days in the park and will post it here and my page will once again (once again?) be full of beautiful and simple art, unhampered by words.

Dropping Keys...I love this poem

Dropping Keys...I love this poem

This is the poem for the "Dropping Keys" painting. – Mollie
original painting by Mollie Kellogg
inspired by a poem by Hafiz

DROPPING KEYS

The small man
Builds cages for everyone
He
Knows.

While the sage,
Who has to duck his head while the moon is low,
Keeps dropping keys all night long
For the
Beautiful
Rowdy
Prisoners.

translation by Daniel Ladinsk

Check out Mollie’s painting at: http://www.molliekellogg.com/images/08adropkeys.jpg

Saturday, December 11, 2004

A North American Falls In Love with Brazil

Read about “the most emotionally healthy country in the world” and the “anti-Bush” in this interesting article. I was thinking France, but now maybe Brazil?

Friday, December 10, 2004

Soul of a Citizen: Living With Conviction in a Cynical Time

An excerpt from Paul Loeb’s book about how average, imperfect people can help change the world.

“We often think of social involvement as noble but impractical. Yet it can serve enlightened self-interest and the interests of others simultaneously, giving us a sense of connection and purpose nearly impossible to find in private life. "It takes energy to act," says Pete. "But it's more draining to bury your anger, convince yourself you're powerless, and swallow whatever's handed to you."

How then shall we characterize those who participate in our society as active citizens? They are persons of imperfect character, acting on the basis of imperfect knowledge, for causes that may be imperfect as well. That's a profile virtually any of us could match, given a willingness to live with ambiguity, occasional failure, and frustration. Imperfection may not be saintly, but wielding it in the service of justice is a virtue. Whoever we are, we can savor our imperfect journey of commitment. Learning as we go, we can discover how much our actions matter.”

cultural creatives

Have you heard about cultural creatives? Here's the book.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

Union of Concerned scientists

I found a cool site today, check out Union of Concerned scientists.

20 Things you Love to do

I made a list of 20 things I really like to do yesterday and asked my mom to send me her list. It was interesting to think about which activities I do that give me the most satisfaction. It was really fun to read my mom’s list. Here’s my 20 or so things I really like to do. What about you? (Tip: write as fast as you can without evaluating and do yours before you read mine!)

.

.

.

.

Did you write yours yet?

 

Ok, Here are mine:

 

  • Dancing
  • Playing with friends
  • Cuddling
  • Eating good food
  • Playing with animals
  • Singing and playing the guitar for other people
  • Creating a finished piece of art that I really like
  • Having an exciting intellectual discussion
  • Talking with someone and feeling a close connection
  • Making people laugh
  • Laughing really hard
  • Making my home and garden space look really nice
  • Choreographing a dance show
  • Expressing my ideas really well
  • Having someone play with my hair and otherwise love me
  • Swimming in warm water
  • Kayaking
  • River rafting
  • Seeing somewhere new and beautiful
  • Listening to good music
  • Listening to sensible and uplifting ideas
  • Learning something new that opens up possibilities for me
  • Accomplishing a goal
  • Knowing that I really helped someone and made a positive difference

 

I’d love to read your 20 things, if you want to share, leave a comment or a link to your 20 (or so)!

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Happy Holiday?

Every now and then I get lost in a state of perpetual dissatisfaction. (“I’ll be happy when…”) I want to enjoy every moment that I can this Holiday season, but I find myself looking ahead more than being in the now.

 

So, I have a question for you. I’m sure there is a way to resolve what seems like a paradox for me. I am great at seeing, and eventually realizing possibilities. I think this gift has several components 1. I can see what could be 2. I can see what is currently missing 3. I can research and then evaluate and understand what resources etc need to be added to get from what is missing to what can be.

 

This is one of my main talents and figures into most things that I am good at. However, some of these skills seem to be opposite to what it takes to be happy in the moment. (I’m sure that that isn’t true, but right now I’m not seeing how it can all work together inside of me.) What seems opposite about being happy to me is 1. Seeing what is (Can you see what is and what can be at the same time, or do you have to flip back and forth. Hmmm…) 2. See what is currently right 3. Be grateful for what is currently right.

 

Of course, happiness is only one of my values and not necessarily my primary value. I get a lot of satisfaction from creating and improving things, so I’m not willing to give that up to be subjectively happy in the moment. And, I’m sure I don’t have to… so any ideas about how I can combine the skills of seeing into the future and enjoying the present? Before you answer, I want to be clear that I am happy every now and then. J I just want to learn the skill of really savoring and enjoying all the moments of my life.

 

Thank you!

Friday, December 03, 2004

Hi Joe

Short posts for awhile while I finish up this semester. Just wanted to say a quick thanks to Joe for leaving a comment about my Thanksgiving poem! Take a look at Joe’s poems at his website: http://oregonstate.edu/~baldinoj.

By the way, I re-appreciated my family this Thanksgiving even as I shook my head in disbelief at their political views. Thanks for loving me even through our differences, little family. I love you, too.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

End Torture Now

I’m really busy, so I haven’t been posting much. Visit the End Torture Now website.

Wishing us all Peace on Earth this holiday season.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Thanksgiving poem

My thankfulness is a circle of thanks

With outer edges extending

My blue skies touch

Another’s pain

My bed of flowers

Touches the same earth

They huddle near

In terror

As bombs drop

And lives change

And families

And fragile bodies

Are torn apart.

Without our help, life itself, can part us

Ripping

Strands pulled and wearing at every corner

Do we need to add to the fray?

I’m thankful for peace and love

And gentle kindness

Woven by us in the small particular moments of our own small universes.

May we see through someone else’s eyes

On this Thanksgiving Day.

````````````````````

 

This is a work in progress. What do you think?

I need advice, HELP please!!

I’ve kind of prided myself on being able to stay connected to the people in my family who have very different political ideas… but I need some advice. Usually, I try to listen and understand where people are coming from, but right now I feel so outraged about the torture and killing going on in Iraq that I don’t feel, morally, that I can stay silent. Also, I feel very strongly about the current political issues, so I have a hard time talking about it without getting intense. I also don’t want to have a contentious or tension filled Thanksgiving. I’m going to be at my aunt’s house who is far right politically.

 

I’d like to be able to say what I think, inform my family of what’s going on, yet keep it light and warm and stay connected…

 

Thanks for any help! I was just on the phone with my mom and she said, “What ever you do, don’t bring up politics.” Even that made me angry and I said that with what is happening in the world right now, I feel it would be immoral not to  speak up.

 

Any ideas?

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Go Figure



I need help thinking of a better caption for this picture. What would be a funnier caption than "I don't get it...But I might like it." ??? I'll re-do the picture with the winning caption!

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Warm day, blue sky, leaves red, my phone works all the way across the street, I listened to a great song while I was driving, hand out the window, and

Natalie wrote to me! Natalie wrote to me! Natalie wrote to me! And she said she liked my pictures!! So, there.

See, that is why it is worth it to blog, even though the highest amount of unique visitors I've had has only been 35. Even though my posts often sound clumsy. Even though my site will probably never look as good as French Toast Girl's. Natalie wrote to me. :)

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Let’s talk about sex

I saw Kinsey last night. It’s the true story of Alfred and Clara Kinsey who, along with a team of researchers, did scientific studies of human sexual behavior in the United States. I thought it was well done, thought provoking and disturbing, and I recommend it. It was sexually graphic, so I wouldn’t recommend taking your kids, although you might want to talk to them about the ideas in it.

Concerned Women for America are planning to protest the movie. I find this interesting since there are so many lascivious movies out. Why did they decide to protest the Kinsey report? It can’t be the sexuality shown, even though this movie was very graphic by my standards, there are much more sexually graphic movies. [The 82 year old woman next to me said she liked the pictures.] Is it the story? Are they protesting telling the true story of the people who studied human sexual behavior in America? Is it because they think he shouldn’t have done the study or because they are upset by what he found? Do they dislike his lifestyle and disagree with his views?

I highly disliked several aspects of his lifestyle and disagree with part of his philosophy about sex. Splitting sexual debate into two simplified camps; there are the prescribers and the describers. Kinsey was a describer. He falls into the camp of anything goes. This group prides itself on being open minded and sexually free. They avoid prescriptions at all costs saying that anything is alright as long as no one gets hurt. They won’t tell the truth about how sex affects them. I know many people who say sex can just be for pleasure, we are animals and it is only societal convention that makes sex emotional. Of course, we are animals, we are animals that bond through touch, and when sexual bonds are broken, it hurts. In the movie, Clara gets it right when she says, "Did you ever think that societal norms are there for a reason?"

The other group prescribes sexual behavior. They have a set idea of what is ok sexually and what isn’t ok. Of course, there is variety in the prescriptions. They don’t want to hear about the actual sexual behavior that people are engaged in and they are often hypocrites, spouting theory that their behavior doesn’t match up with. This group doesn’t want sex ed taught or condoms handed out because teenagers SHOULDN’T be having sex, ignoring the fact that they ARE.

I find either type of viewpoint equally repugnant for the exact same reason. Maybe it’s the scientist in me; I’m annoyed when people ignore reality for theory. I consider both groups to be publicly dishonest, even when they are honest people at home. This is often the trouble when people start getting off into theory, ignoring their own and other people's experiences. My anecdotal evidence of people I know who prescribe certain sexual behavior is that none of them live up to their ideals, me included. My personal experience of the people who say that anything goes sexually is that they are all, I mean ALL, affected emotionally by their sexual relationships, just like everyone else.

Why deny reality publicly? Maybe it is the adversarial way we debate issues in this country. Perhaps both sides fear that if they give a more nuanced view, the other side will use it as a weakness to promote their agenda. Boy, have people used Kinsey's research to promote agendas. The most disturbing agenda I found while researching the anti-Kinsey articles, is that a group of pedophiles have used the report to justify molesting children. It made my skin crawl just reading this article. Labeling something common or rare doesn’t take away how good or bad it may be for you. Even something common may be very unhealthy.

So, why do I still recommend the movie? Food is often equated with sex these days and I'll continue the analogy here to make my point. If you were in favor of a very particular nutritional plan, would you therefore be against finding out what people currently eat? What if the people who did the study had a different nutritional ideal in mind? Would you then be against the study? What if the people who did the accurate study ate very unhealthy meals? If the study was done well and accurately, to my mind it benefits anyone interested in nutrition to know what people are currently eating. From an organizational standpoint, you can’t change if you don’t know where you are starting from. If you are really for sexual reform, it benefits you to know what people are currently doing, so accurate sex studies will only be a benefit to you. The only agenda sex studies threaten is secrecy. (If you are a great big hypocrite, then that might be the way to go.)

Alfred Kinsey was of the non-prescription, only description camp. I think the movie accurately portrays that he got it wrong. And, I still think it’s a good movie. The movie may make you uncomfortable. Being honest with yourself while you watch it may make you even more uncomfortable.

Here's Paul Clinton's review of the movie. (His review has some spoilers.)

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Secretly Famous

I’m finding such great stuff today! Oh! Check out this graphic novel by Augustine!

Last week I worked.Today I play. Just sitting around in my pajamas exploring the blogosphere. Tommorrow… more work.

By the way, Thank you for all your “anonymous” input. For now I’ve decided to split my blog personality three ways: my “proffessional” blog, Braidwood –partly anonymous, and another TOTALLY SECRET blog, never to be revealed. My initial reason for posting anonymously, by the way, is because of my long standing wish to be “secretly famous.” You might be surprised, looking at my work, that I have a fear of becoming famous, but I do! I like being well know by my own community, but I hate the thought of giving up my traveling anonymity. I like blending in, if you can’t blend in you can never really get to know people. I would hate to be famous – oy. What with the stalkers and what not. On the other hand, I would like to have my songs and poems and art be scattered out broadly in the world. Thus, secretly famous. (I know, a fear likely never to be realized, but still.)

Sunday, November 14, 2004

Not gonna do it!

(Not a)

Not this year at least. Here is what some crazy people are doing, including my friend Laura. They are writing an ENTIRE novel in 30 days, at least 50,000 words. wow. You say you have time to kill, speedy fingers and stories just waiting to flood out of you? Go to NaNoWriMo and join the throng. Hurry!

ps: I just went to Laura's site and she has written 2 more chapters in her very "page-turner" book. yay!

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Anonymous, not anonymous?

Hmmm... My blog is fairly anonymous. I have a pseudonym and I haven't told many people about it... but I'm thinking I might want to make it even more anonymous.... Last night someone reminded me that I sent him an email telling him about my blog- this when I was trying to get more traffic. Now I've realized that I'm destined to be a little by road on the info super highway anyway, and that having people who know me look at my blog might inhibit my artistic expression (it already has, actually.) So, what should I do? Few people comment here that I don't talk to regularly :) But, if you feel like being really wild leave me a comment and an opinion.

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Thursday, November 11, 2004

Spring 1999, Sorrow Stone

You are rare and precious to me,
My sorrow is like a deep blue stone.
I open my hands to set you free
The white bird of our love flies on.

I put the stone gently into my belly
And like a woman in her village, waiting for her lover
I carry water like I always did
Silently heavy inside.

But our love is a translucent bird in the sky
You will not return.
The sun is melting it already
It’s feathers fall like petals.

Someday when the warmth soaks through
The many layers of my skin
Through the winding tissue in muscles
Then
Through my bones
And melts the stone
I will wake again.

Spring 1999,
Modified July 28, 2002

Monday, November 08, 2004

Peace. Sing it, Baby!


Listen for free to songs about peace at the Peace Jukebox.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Come on People Now



I sent a not too thinly veiled show of support for Kerry by emailing a Michael Moore article to my friends and family- in the guise of humor. My friend wrote back with a not too thinly veiled request. She said that we should stop criticising the current President and seek unity as a nation. Does that mean I need to shut up?

It's the holy grail of community to be able to be yourself and belong to a group, and I know its possible. Falling silent won't unite us, it will impoverish us.
We need to hear each others stories to understand each other, to care about each other, to vote beyond our narrow self-interest.

Learning how to connect while allowing ourselves and others freedom of thought and expression is woo-ha, challenging. To meet this challenge in your personal life, I reccomend: The Dance of Connection by Harriet Lerner.

For our country and the world's well being, we need to hear a wide array of stories. Let's get the screaming pundits off the air and demand to see and hear a variety of people talking about their own lives and how the issues of the day have affected them. That's news, and that's what heals.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

All in all


Want to get lost?

Another cool site from the illustrator web ring, (of which I am a part- said in loud whisper.) Check out Portugal through the eyes of Vic/Madge. Warning: I looked last night and got lost for an hour. Some random art and some that will pull your heart.

Oh, I just checked it out to get the address and there is a cartoon about bloggers. Check it out, maybe you will see yourself. I don't think she drew me... or, scary thought, she DID draw me!

(I'm going to try the trackback feature. This will be my first trackback ping.)

ps: Why have I been publishing my text in boring black?? Ahh well, you live, you learn. Such is the life of a young blogger.

Requests

1. A free trackback system without ads.
2. Use firefox to look at my site. I just checked it out in internet explorer and it looks really bad.
3. Now that I'm part of a cool illustrators web ring, I also want to be part of a
quality poetry web ring
and a
singer-songwriter web ring.
4. I have an idea, I need some money. Any idea how to get in touch with grant givers?

Emergency blog help: I just notice that the haloscan comments and trackback disapeared my old comments. AHHH!!! What do I do??

Friday, November 05, 2004

I get trackback, the world looks brighter

I saw Amy Goodman of Democracy Now tonight. She said that most people are good and kind and if they had seen the real images of the results in the war in Iraq, they would have been outraged. I used to listen to her all the time on KRCL.
When I got home one of my cutest little eco-models sent me an uplifting note from Michael Moore. I laughed. (Check it out, you will laugh too!)
Then I decided to add Trackback to my blog! yay! Sorry about the ads on my track back!! I really hate ads. I was looking for an ad free trackback when I saw this article that talks about trackbacking being an aid to democracy. Yay Democracy!
I think Democracy is Love on a large scale. I can't remember if I read that in Bell Hooks or Carol Gilligan. ah well...

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BLEEEHHHH! Impatient.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Guest Artist: Red

this is an audio post - click to play

Have you survived the elections, just barely? Are you wondering what the future holds? Check out the only horoscopes worth their salt.

Meanwhile, maybe not for you listening enjoyment, but certainly for our silly pleasure, we have recorded Guest Artist, Red, along with Braidwood reading a sample of horoscopes with an Irish accent. (Oh that old bit!)

I'm a member of a Web Ring!!

Great news! I am an official member of the Illustrators Blog Web Ring just this day! Yay! Want to be inspired? Take a look at some of the sites on the ring. I looked at ALL 46 sites on the ring, here are some of my favorite:

French Toast Girl
I love how the site looks and the adorable illustrations, it gives me something to aspire to on both counts. Check out the peas in the pod! Oh, how cute.
Guild of Ghost Writers For anyone who has worked in a windowless cubicle-cell with arbitrary rules, the little cartoon you’ll find here is strangely moving. Scroll down to a really cute tribute to Elvis impersonators.
Pomegranates and Paper This art has my kind of colors – colors to swim in.
Frog and Toad’s Wild Ride It looks like a newbie, like me. I wish the pictures were bigger. Check it out to see more gorgeous, swimmable colors.
Chillies and Chocolate Very pretty pictures! (And a lame blogger template, like mine :)
Design Kitten Kind of simple and sweet.

My one complaint: Not everyone has the illustrated blog ring graphic on their site. Come on people! It’s not a ring if someone breaks the chain. For better surfing, until people fix this problem, go to the Illustrated Blog List to surf through the sites in the ring.

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Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Out o' here


So are some other people! Check out the blog Pop and Politics for a funny take on moving out of the country.

Oh, and here's a guy that already moved. Read about his journey to becoming a Canadian resident here.

ps: I don't really want to move, I love my country. But come freakin' on, people!

The European Dream

A friend sent me an article about a book called The European Dream. It reminded me of my deep yearning for a more humane lifestyle. How can so many people be satisfied with the dreary strip mall endless driving set-up we have here?

I wish that I could magically switch people into another person's life, like in Friday the 13th. I imagine switching George Bush with a young Iraqi mother, for just a month...


I recently saw a real life switch, of sorts, related to this article.
My friend went to Italy for a month this summer. This friend and I used to talk about our future. She wanted a big house, and was fine with driving everywhere she needed to go, and basically wanted the typical consumable American dream. I, on the other hand, being a true hedonist, wanted a small house, easily maintainable yard, a co-housing like community and wanted to live where I could walk everywhere I needed to go in my daily life. Well, she came back from Italy very homesick... for Italy, where she lived in a small villa, walked everywhere she needed to go, and the shopkeepers in the stores knew her by name after just a month.

See, I'm profoundly convinced, [even of the Bushites, although I can hardly say it this soon after the HUGE disappointment!] that people are mostly good and mostly smart. I think most people would definitely prefer the European dream, they just haven't experienced what it could be like.


Tuesday, November 02, 2004

5 More Minutes

It's 9:30
I have waited an hour for you.
You, who have waited
So many minutes, added up to
Hours
for me.

5 more minutes.

Exhaustion

It's almost 9:30
The moon is squashed.
I have sat in my car
Waiting for...
YOU
To laugh with me, and play and maybe
Rub my feet.
An exhaustion has set in
That is deeper than the day,
I just now realized what it is...
It is the exhaustion of a long journey
With no end in sight.
A journey like my journey up
Mt Timpanogus, under a midnight moon
Where the scaling of the peak
Reveals
Just another peak to climb.
And this journey, that I've been climbing since my childhood, is:
"Where will I find my love?" and even more,
"When will I find my home?"

If I Write 10 Thousand Poems

If I write 10 thousand poems
How many of them
Have to be good?
Not this one, I guess.
Dolly Parton's my muse
Prolific country song-writer
A smart lady
Laughing
In her overdone make-up
She gets the joke.
She told it!
And behind that
Is some beautiful music,
And a giant bra,
Flapping in the wind.

A poem, while I'm waiting

I've been here about...
50 minutes
Now that's ridiculous
And though I've been spinning ideas,
I may have been wasting my time.
If you don't show soon.
This is when a cell phone would come in handy,
You are late
For our un-appointment.
My drop by.
In a year of knowing you,
You have never once dropped by,
That is what I tell myself nights that I leave your place angrily,
And drive home,
With a drive just long enough
To turn my hurt pain into anger into self-righteousness into resolve into
Moving on.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Hey, I'm going to create a new blog!

Evangelist like, I want to get the message OUT! About what? Whatever. I'm a generalist evangelist. If I find something that I think is cool, then I want everyone to know about it! Now I'm an evangelist for blogs. I want my mom to co-blog with her husband about their adventures, I want one of my best friends to blog his terrific writing, I want my family to have a family blog, I want my social group to group blog. Everybody! Blog!

I even want myself to do a few more blogs. Next in line: a blog where I put all the cool links I find. I used to walk the library aisles for hours, piling book on top of book about my latest fascination. Now I do the same thing in the virtual world, and I want to share it all with you.

Now that you know the new blog theme, what do you think would be a good name? A good template? Now taking suggestions.

Categories:

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Artemis Tries to Find a Lover... take 2

this is an audio post - click to play

Guest Artist: Lisa Pearl

this is an audio post - click to play


Lisa plays guitar and sings her original song, "You Make Me Feel." Braidwood sings harmony.

Artemis Tries to find a Lover... the song

this is an audio post - click to play

5/29/04 Artemis tries to find a Lover

Another fight
Another heartbreak
Another night
When it won’t all be all right.

But the waves are playing night games,
The white curve of the waves reach out to each other,
Grabbing hands just before they run,
Laughing, crashing, onto the shore.
They play over and over like children do.
The moon is nowhere, but somewhere, she’s there
Pulling at the water.
I have been alone,
But she used to follow me and nod to me
As we looked at each other, from the sky.

A girl is laughing as she spins
Under the lamplight in the park
“I am so happy right now!” she calls out.
I sigh wearily as I trudge back to the car
With another half-hearted, temporary lover.
Artemis’s virgin priestesses
Spin freely under the night sky
By the wild night waves.
I used to be one of them
Till I put down my bow
Secretly
I’d always been looking for my lover, with my lonely child’s yearning.
A dedicated virgin goddess
With an Aphrodite heart
More ready than people would believe
To quit her wild, lonely ways
And rest in her lover’s warm arms.
Still, no man has caught me
They’ve all turned to stone
Or maybe just gone away.
And I know how to be alone
I’ve never had a home
Cradled only by the arms of a tree
And the wild night sky my only cover

Oh, oh,
Artemis tries to find a lover,
But at the end of this long, weary poem,
She still ends up
Alone.

Retrospective

I never thought I’d blog, since I go to great lengths to hide my journal. But I had an assignment for a class, I had to sign up for Blogger, I looked at the templates, and I got carried away. That was a week ago. This is worse than when I used to play loadrunner for hours.

But now I have justified my recent obsession! I will use blogging to motivate me to produce art! I’m going to use the feedback theory of motivation for my benefit and use this blog as a place to post projects and art that no one else is demanding that I do, just to keep my creative juices alive. I don’t want my raisin drying in the sun.

While I want to keep this blog current and produce art now, I also want to share some of my old stuff. Which brings me to the actual topic of this post: I'll put the date the art was created in the title if it was created in the past.

*What do you think of the subtitle, “My refrigerator door: quirky art, quality poetry and music that might make me famous.” ?

Test Song

this is an audio post - click to play

Monday, October 25, 2004

Stranded


,

Today


.

Site Statistics- in case you were wondering.

I started this site on Tuesday, October 19th. I've been measuring how many people have come to my site for four days. Here are the stats:

Oct 22: 3 hits, 1 unique
Oct 23: 1 hit, 1 unique
Oct 24: 6 hits, 2 unique
Oct 25 by 1:46 pm: 9 hits, 4 unique

Wow, you wouldn't think so little feedback would make me happy! :) I'm climbing the charts, baby! Unique hits mean how many people have never come to the site before.

We're a small community.

To get a great, free visitor counter for your site, go to reinvigorate.net

Categories:

Sunday, October 24, 2004

Friday, October 22, 2004

Visualize winning

My refrigerator door gets political.

 

Visualize Kerry winning with some help from needlenose at:  http://www.clowntech.com/win04/vote.htm

 

WhooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooOooOoO
..........==========||||||||||..........|""|
..........._|.K E R R Y..|.|.|___|""""""""""|…|[(<
..........|___________|.|__.._.._.._.._.._.._||_
............( + ).....( + ).....( + )( + )( + )( + )..\
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
……..V....I....C....T....O....R....Y......2....0....0....4

 

(I don’t know who created this cool graphic, I saw it posted on the Kerry blog at http://www.johnkerry.com/index.html )