Yesterday, with the harried feeling of someone trudging through unwanted duties, I got ready for our service. I was using the strategy my very helpful women friends advised and was ignoring the man who had been harassing me. I was glad he was leaving me alone, but also struggled with feelings of not being inclusive. (!) (I shake my head at myself, sometimes I can take my desire to include people too far.)
After both services, hot, sticky and ready to be done, I dutifully arrived at our after-service, pass-the-torch-to-new-leadership party. Activity swirled around me. I found myself reflexively greeting a new comer while thinking, "You are doing it again. Let someone else make him feel welcome. .. But I don't want him to feel sad... Wait until someone else greets him and walk away."
I didn't help get the food ready, I was the first one to fill my plate, and I took the best spot in the kitchen. I let other people greet the new people and carry on interesting conversation and when I was done eating, I took the best spot in the livingroom. There I sprawled with the breeze from outside blowing on me and made minimal efforts at conversation. I had officially turned into Red from the 70's show! (Picture a dad coming home, always taking the best spot and drinking a beer while watching TV.) (Wow, now that I think about it, I went from traditional mom to traditional dad.) One of our needier members came over and asked if the seat next to me was taken. (Damn kids.)I said it was. She sat on my lap. I said she was light enough but too warm. She said she could take a hint. "Good" I thought as she walked over to the other side of the room.