Sunday, January 29, 2006

The advance decorating crew

Moving can be lonely. (The alternate title to this post.) It reminds me that I am still a wandering troubadour, not the co-house living, bed with my lover sharing, pregnant bellied woman, just got home from the farmer's market woman I have pictured in my head. So, my small sadness this month has been loneliness. I have so many people, but have not felt that anyone else was sharing my life. I called my mom and she said she is sharing my life. She reminded me of the people at church who complimented me when she was here, and in my uber lonely state the other night I said that they were just being polite.

I guess for me having people share my life and care about me means that they help me, and the meaning of the help (that they really do care and that I can count on them) is more important than the help itself. Sometimes I am so needy and it's embarrassing. I wanted to call my friend this morning and ask him if I could visit just so he could hug me, but I didn't know what he would say. I told him later, and he said he wanted to be there for me to support me. Tomorrow he is coming over to help me pack. Other people have offered to help me move all of my stuff on Saturday, and tonight I had the advance decorating crew.

Two girlfriends who I feel really comfortable with came over, ate my very home spun meal with kind words, and helped me move my decorations to my new place. These included scarves, pictures, and assorted knickknacks. We moved the furniture, moved it again, hung pictures, considered fung shui. I needed an advance decorating crew to make this move feel positive. I just had this image of moving into a new place and sitting in a bare room for a month as I slowly settled in. It seemed so depressing after making my current room so cute. Friend S was going to bring sage to clear out the energy of past residents. Friend A was going to bring her baggua book. They both forgot, but they couldn't have done any ceremony or positioned things more fung shuily to better accomplish what I needed than what they did. To have people really consider, with earnestness, where you should hang your Buddhist prayer flags, and find just the right place for your poseable Aragorn action figure is like a magical dispeller of loneliness.

I wrote this a couple days ago, and the idea of "community" has come up several times since then. This post is about how neccesary for community it feels to have people know and care about the details of my life.

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