I don't know why. Could it be the perennial Memorial Day blues? Could I be close to the hormonal T.O.T.M. (time of the month.) Could I be mourning something I didn't realize I needed to be mourning? Just stress from my crappy roommate? It actually felt really good to cry and I wished that I could have just let it all out, but I was in a public place and it was not a small cry. So, I put the book (that was making me cry?) in front of my face, tried to stare off into space and think of something that wouldn't make me cry, wiped my eyes and took my three books up to the clerk. Tears kept coming out of my eyes and I kept having to stare off into space, and do non-cry thinking. When I imagined the clerk noticing me crying, it would make me cry again.
I couldn't talk. I was afraid it would make me sob. He tried to be gentlemanly, "Oh, I see the allergies are getting to you, too." (As a tear rolls down my cheek.) "Actually," I whisper, trying not to cry, "it was one of the books." "Oh," he said, and offered me a tissue. "Well don't tell anyone, but when I read Love You Forever, I cried." "The children's book?" I whispered. "Don't tell anyone."he said jovially. "It's a secret." I whispered froggily. I finally looked up and he gave me a remarkably kind smile. I rushed out. Kind smiles make me cry, sometimes.
Categories: My Life, Essay